Having now obtained some materials with which to begin logs and letters, it is only wise that the opportunity be taken to record recent events while they are yet fresh, whenever possible, so that any reports may be dispatched forthwith; though, I will have to be more careful about my words than in my last letter.
Now then, I seem to have been given a rather odd assignment: leave it to a demon to write up the paperwork in a completely unbelievable and contradictory manner, then kick you right into the middle of a fight when you haven’t had half a chance to read a single word yet! All because a few moments seem like an eternity to them. How is it that they have not yet learned one of the most important lessons . . . it would seem that secrecy is alive and well afterall. Or this would-be master is freshly born of the void; that would match up with my luck well enough.
Nevertheless, I am compelled to provide an example so that my brothers may realize just what we’re dealing with. The half-ogre’s official name is “Big Daddy,” which would be half-plausible for one of that sort, if the kender weren’t called “Little Sister” (kender, if memory serves, are reputed to be quite clever, or maybe that’s just ordinary halflings). At any rate, their official records according to this dossier only go back little more than a month. I suspect a plot; possibly the kender (and perhaps the ogre would be in on that); possibly the witch, she seems to style herself a cunning sort . . . no; more likely it’s a clumsy effort by one who thinks himself clever but hasn’t bothered to learn the Infernal Language.
How these other two fit in is as of yet beyond me. They must either be the contrivance of some third plot, or an inconvenience to the aforementioned plot; possibly both. As only a demon could put it, my mission is to “determine what they are up to, and guide them into my own goals as gently as possible,” because supposedly they are “likely to ‘aid’ me in my endeavours.” Of course, normally “my” goals would be “their” goals, but since they didn’t specify . . . I must remember to [ . . . unintelligible . . . unknown symbol].
I have therefore proceeded along the lines of my goals, beginning with the testing of these . . . “villains.” Pathetic excuses the lot of them, from what I’ve seen; I’m not sure they can properly be classified as evil, or even mildly bad. The ogre shows promise; he passed his test – oh how delicious that was! Even if I had to take a brief injury for it. The best part is, he likely will progress quite . . . naturally; yes, that’s the proper word.
I prepared the test to involve a monstrous spider and waited for these characters to come to the vault, whilst catching up on some reading – some delightful papers that will surely be useful later on, but back to the test! Anyway, the ogre and kinder are first on the scene when the spider crawled out; the ogre screams and yells at the spider – who clearly helped him defeat and interrogate an ogress not minutes before!
The spider, clearly shaken, whines to the ogre most pitifully, clearly flustered and hoping for mercy (blyech!), pointing out all about being friends and other disgusting drivel about kindness and helpfulness. Most pleasantly the ogre became infuriated and belligerent – truly a sight for sore eyes, but I wish he hadn’t wasted the time he did; he threatened and cajoled the spider, who scurried across the room to the far wall (Big Daddy had demanded that the spider leave) and continued begging and pleading after the previously snivelling manner.
The ogre completely lost it – a beautiful sight I only wish I’d seen sooner (and more of) and swiped at the spider diving it away for good – a most delicious development. I’m not sure the ogre realizes it, but his willingness to attack an appeasing, groveling, accomodating, obvious ally shows tremendous promise. After a while it may be possible for him to attack anyone; provided the right . . . incentive.
Of course, I’d gotten my hopes up before meeting this lot, only to have them otherwise dashed for the most part. Surely I can manage though; it may just require some . . . creativity. The drow is near-hopelessly lost; I saw him trying to calm and befriend perfectly valid marks, including a delicious young couple and an obvious member of the Enemy! To be fair . . . there’s clearly something wrong with him. I’ll have to focus my attention there first.
Another amazing oddity is that apparently the “trio” – the ogre, the kender, and the one called Lore – “does not want anything pointing at them when everything comes to fruition,” and yet they not only let witnesses walk out alive, not only did none of them plan to do the obvious thing, but the kender was actually trying to recruit unverified associates! For all she knew she could’ve been asking a paladin if he’d like to run her little scam for her! My uncle was all too correct about the sorry state of affairs up here; we have been far too lax. Accidents may have to happen. No; then no one would learn anything.
At least the formal introductions haven’t been a total disaster.
- S. W.